I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
