Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
