Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
