Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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