Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize