She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
