a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
