youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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