Michael Bay diarrhea
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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