Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
