Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
