just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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