Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
