Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Alive.
So much puke
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
