i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
