Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize