well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
