I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
