she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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