wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
