How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
