Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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