the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
