Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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