just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
