it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
