She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
