hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
