im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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