today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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