her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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