You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
