I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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