I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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