If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize