U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
