did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
