So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
