i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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