I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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