I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want nice things and good sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
