sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
