the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
