Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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