Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
