Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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