If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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