After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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