HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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