okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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