Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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