he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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