I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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