Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
zippers are such a cool invention
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize