I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
