and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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