Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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