I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
