It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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