I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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