i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
