You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize