none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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