Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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