Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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