I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
