I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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