I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My cat gives me a boner
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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