So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
