I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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