I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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