She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
